Nuthin' To Do With CP or DS Stuff All About Attitude!

snapperrr

Hello, looking for a little feedback folks! Just got a stroppy 16year old pup, (my 16 year old son) arrived home, all attitude and f*ck all to back it up with! Sent him to bed!

Sober but with attitude! Told him to F*ck off and grow up!

Views lol

Must be some dads's out there with similar kids!

No homily's about discipline and all that stuff we know all about please, just similar views and how YOU deal with it!

Might be amusing to hear how the old school deal with it!

Unusual thread


Single dad, old school and rigid!

Views please, all insults and advice accepted!

Grynch

Sounds like he's testing the waters now that his own little hormone factory is dumping fresh batches of testosterone down his system.

I have a friend who's boy is around the same age and he went through the same deal last year. His son was on a crusade to challenge all authority. It turns out the lad had quite a eye-opening revelation about something that made him doubt alot of stuff.

It was just his way of responding to feeling insecure about things. I am not a shrink, but I think there may be a nugget of truth in there for all kids (boys especially) at that age.

My mate (after plotting to kill his kid and blame it on the wife) decided to have a heart to heart with the boy. It took a few times, but eventually he aligned himself with his son (as opposed to pitting himself against him) by admitting the world is a pretty f*&$%d-up place and dads sometimes need to stand by their sons as a team until all the BS gets dealt with.

I'm sure there was a lot of other remarks and comments made in the middle of all that, but that seemed to be the "jist" of how he dealt with it. In the end, the boy thought his dad was pretty cool because he didn't BS him... kids at that age tend to develop their BS-ometer very quickly.

Hope that helps... good luck with your son. If all else fails, tell him you originally wanted a girl -not a boy who would whine like one (my old man used that one on me)... lol

D Unit

Snapperrr, I have an 11 1/2 year old with size 7 feet and 5 feet 5 inches tall (Freak!!! but definetely mine). He thinks he's 16!!! and his girlfriend is 2 years older than him (god that age and a girlfriend). I find just doing something they want with them cuts out some of the attitude but usually disrupting what they want to do when giving me lip makes them think about things a bit more the next time they try to challenge my authority. No Father or Mother wants to bury their children so try and make some part of your day special even if its farting and blaming his mum LOL!!!!

Summer

Mate sometimes sitting down for a heart ot heart just doesnt work, I have just taken in a member of my family on a temporary basis, she is 16 and knows it all. She had a disagreement with her mother a year ago because she knew it all and life was just soooo unfair and took it upon herself to leave home and bum around for a year on 'mates' couches. All this did was cause my sister a years worth of heartache, sleepless nights cos she didnt know where she was while the child did her best to con money out of the rest of the family because everyone was against her blah blah blah, you know the drill. She has a chip on her shoulder te size of...well a very big chip, she had a multitude of reasons....give me a break!!!!!! It was nothing more than an excuse. She did these things because she was a selfish arse and she wanted to. How do i know this, because I was the worlds worst teenager right the way through to my early twenties. I took advantage of my family, and behaved in a manner of which i am now ashamed......and why.....because i could, no other reason. And this one followed in my size 6's!

Anyway she has come to the realisation that home is far more cushdy than anything else that she could possible has and is now begging to go home. Alot of damage has been done in the space of a year so I am the stepping stone to reconcilliation, the relationships that have been damaged are mending. Do i believe that she has had a genuine revelation, no i dont but gotta give the kid a chance and i am hoping while her little mind is racing at a million miles an hour as to how she can take advantage of the rest of the family again i can penetrate that thick skull of hers not by telling her how to behave but by showing her that you dont have to be full of attitude, answer back and argue with everyone just for the sake of it, you can just chill out and things roll along quite nicely, life does not have to be one big battle.

She still has masses of attitude and i have to be honest sitting her down, which i did alot over the last year, and talking to her openly and honestly about expected standards of behaviour to pass as a human being, asking why was she so unhappy, what was the reason, did sweet FA. Appealing to her better side was not an option cos quite frankly the kid did not have a better side. Like me when I was that age she had a mean streak a mile wide, figured the world owed her a favour and thought she was hard as nails and no one could ever beat her. I gave a few small demonstrations over the year that proved otherwise. Don't worry no physical contact ever occured, just a few small demonstrations as to who had the superior intellect and how easy it was to turn her manipulations of others back onto herself, demonstrations that didnt go down too well but the point was made, there is always someone out there that will best you regardless of how good you think you are!!!!

Now she has started to come to the realisation on her own about how to behave and credit where credits due she is doing well rejoining the human race, she is trying, there are still a few little slips on a daily basis but now she is starting to think before she opens that gob.

What I am saying is that sometimes there is no way to penetrate the thick skull of a 16 year old, fair play to you if others can but that wasnt the case here, sometimes they just go through a bad time, no one want to admit that perhaps the kid is just a bit bad but sometimes this is just the case, sometimes there isnt an underlying reason, a trauma, a deep seated insecurity, sometimes things are just simply the way they are and you have to deal with the hand you have. What I do now is simply lay down the rules of what I expect, the level of behaviour I expect, the respect I expect her to show to herself, to me and people she comes into contact with, and my home and if she does not follow then there are consequences, priveleges are removed, mobile phone(the teenage lifeline) is removed. I have found no other way to deal with this, explaining how a decent person should behave just does not seem to compute, they just say 'yeah i know' and go and do what the hell they want anyway. 16 is an age when they are trying so desperately to be a part of the adult world but are still so very much children, every sentence is a verbal battle as to who can have the last word. After trying the 'camp counsellor' route we have come to the conclusion that the last word, while she lives in my house, will always be mine!!!!

Good luck

charlie85

My 12yr old went to his first under 18's night at a local club last night. He left a shy, unassuming boy at 7pm, when I picked himup at 11 he was full of it! Just testing the water Snapperr thats all, I did the same as you. I will never raise a hand to my kids but they know when they have gone too far! It is just as effective to embarrass them by sending them to bed or taking away the phone or computer!! It won't be long before he looks older than me anyway and I will be sending him to Tescos on a beer run cos I keep getting asked for I.D!!

Grynch

Summer,

I think you sell yourself short. Somethings said stick with kids even if it doesn't show up at first (or even if they don't realize it). Kids at that age (11-17) are super sponges and they absorb lots -the good with the bad. Never discount any effort, regardless of how ineffective that it may seem at the time.

Unless of course you are dealing with one of the soulless spawns of Satan. Then you just take them away on vacation (preferably to some country that doesn't speak english) and you come back alone.

In any case, good post.

Summer

Thank you but i still maintain one thing, there are some that truly wish to be unshitlike and there are others that don't, all people know the difference between right and wrong regardless of age and like me many years ago and i stress many years ago, some choose to simply ignore the difference, it gives me an interesting perspective on some things and an incredible intolerance on others.

I don't like seing a parent asking themselves what it is they have done wrong, and blaming themselves, if you have raised them right then there comes a time when you cannot be held accountable for their actions and attitudes.

However back to the point, chances are as it has been said, the kid is probably trying to flex his muscles a bit, if you do not have a pattern of behaviour that causes you concern then ride the wave of teenage rebellion til it is over, most of it is harmless. Just be careful that in the process he doesnt knock someone up in the name of being a man, its happening more and more!!!!

Grynch

Is it against the law to just sedate your kids until they are old enough to leave home.....?

HKP7K3

Mine is 18 now and luckily we got through the 16th year without any lasting damage. We had major mood swings and tons of attitude which made for some hot headed words and long quiet days (not talking, sulking etc)
The impression I got for the cause of the attitude was based mainly due to me still seeing him as my kid and in his eyes not respecting enough how valid his opinions were. An example of this was my planning what chores he was going to help with, without taking into account that he may of planned something to do.

I always thought that I treated him like an equal and therefore could not be blamed for the arguments, until he pointed out examples of how I spoke to him and disregarded a lot of his ideas offhandedly.

Its very hard for a parent to advise another parent what they should do. However what I did that until now has worked was, firstly sat with him and agreed for both of is to write on a sheet A4 every point that pissed us off about each other, Things that we would change about each other, things we would change about ourselves. The results were an eye opener. finally we agreed out of respect for each other to try and remember what had been written and make behavorial concessions. The last and most important thing we did was swear a solemn promise to each other that no matter how bad a fight or argument we had we would always make an approach to talk together when we had calmed down.

Conclusion

We still argue on occasion, we dont always agree on everything, we are now good friends and I try not to think of him as my little lad (even though he always will be)

on a final note we box together 3 times a week, so if he gets out of order at home I just wait until I can slap him in the ring (usually the other way round)

snapperrr

Thanks for the great response, a lot of good suggestions and advice too!